


To Have You

by strawberriesandlove



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Forgive Me, M/M, idk how to do the tags lol, jeonghan is dense, scoups is whipped?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberriesandlove/pseuds/strawberriesandlove
Summary: "In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take."Seungcheol is tired.Jeonghan is confused.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 52





	1. Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! :) This is my first ever fic so please bear with me huhu  
> I just listened to Jessica Jung's cover of Almost when I thought of this prompt and well, I'm a sucker for JeongCheol so why not try?  
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy the story huhu  
> This chapter, by the way, is mostly Jeonghan and Seungcheol's story hehe  
> Thank you! :)

**_Can you tell me, how can one miss what she’s never had?_ **

“Yeah, can someone tell me?” Jeonghan scoffed sadly as he was driving back to his apartment with a heavy heart. “Won’t you fucking stop crying now?” He angrily told himself while holding on to the steering wheel too hard. He knows he shouldn’t be driving at his current situation, but he needs to at least be in his room before he starts breaking down.

_“Jeonghan, can you tell me if this- whatever we have is going somewhere?”_

_“It’s been years, Jeonghan.”_

_“I get tired too, don’t you think?”_

_“I’m sorry, Jeonghan. I’m done.”_

Words keep ringing into his head like the song Joshua and Seokmin, his best friends, sent to him after he told them about what happened. Well, his best friends sent him a _playlist_ he could listen to so he doesn’t have to cry while he drives home, because they care so much about him, they said. But the thing is, the playlist has only _one_ song, on repeat.

“I’m going to fucking burn all your paper works, Joshua.” He whispered to no one as the tears keep falling on his face.

He needs to be strong. He needs to be safe. He needs to _not_ get into an accident on his way home. It would be so pathetic if he physically dies at this rate. He hates feeling pathetic. But right now, that’s what he feels because he couldn’t think of anything else but regret.

**_How could I reminisce when there is no past?_ **

No, there is. Or was. They had a past. For almost seven years, that’s thousands of hours together, they, for sure, did share so much. It’s a lot to even think about what went wrong. All he knows is that they were happy, Jeonghan was happy. So what happened? Why did Seungcheol talk like he was never happy with him?

“Why do people approach you and then be friends with you, only to break you when things fall apart?” He whispered again. He sadly giggled when he realized he’s been whispering too many times today. Fortunately, it is busy hours and the roads are crowded. But he really needs to focus on driving.

And he needs a bottle of beer. He hopes his best friends didn’t consume all the bottles of beer he stocked on their shared apartment, because he needs them all tonight. Luckily, it’s a Friday night, no work for tomorrow. That means he can get wasted as much as he wants.

“Today being Friday is the only thing that’s saving my soul.” Why? Well, today is a very terrible day for him as nothing ever worked since the day has started. From getting up an hour after his supposed waking time, to being actually late for his job, the emergency meeting at work which led him to more tasks to be done, his coffee spilt onto his white top, to not being able to have his lunch, not even a decent dinner, which by the way he was two hours late, because his date _kinda_ dumped him after five spoonful.

**_How could I have memories of being happy with you, boy?_ **

“Come on, Miss Jessica Jung, you are supposed to comfort me, not remind me of how stupid I am.” He somehow managed to roll his eyes.

Thinking back, they did have _so_ many happy memories. At least for him, they were both happy.

He remembered that one memorable summer trip with their friends. They were on their way to the beach, he doesn’t remember how they tried to fit thirteen boys and their luggage in one van but they did.

Seungcheol was driving and Jeonghan was in the passenger seat because their friends made him. Seungcheol never objected though. So he sat there and sometimes, would take a look at the driver with a smile on his face. All of them looked like they were having fun, and they did. The trip was all genuine laughter, like they hadn’t just had a stressful semester, especially Seungcheol, he had always wanted to have a getaway, with Jeonghan of course.

Seungcheol looked so peaceful, so soft with his signature gummy smile showing the cutest little dimples that Jeonghan had always _always_ adore, singing along to all the songs that played. The van was chaotic but it was nice, to have their groups of friends come together as one, like they were destined to meet altogether.

Seungcheol has always been so care free, he knows when to make jokes on Jeonghan. It was like he lives in Jeonghan’s mind, he knows what he needs, and what he wants.

“So what went wrong?” Another tear fell from his eyes.

**_Can someone tell me how can this be?_ **

He thought everything was okay. He thought Seungcheol will never get tired of him. Because he never did. Seungcheol would always find a way to make everything easy for Jeonghan. He thought nothing would ever change. He was never scared of being alone, because Seungcheol was always there.

He never even imagined a week without meeting Seungcheol, because they always try to make time for each other. And Seungcheol always smiled for him, like nothing was bothering him.

“So what happened? Why now?”

**_How could my mind pull up incidents, recall dates and times that never happened?_ **

They all happened though, at least in his mind, they did.

_“You got me a flower? For what?” Jeonghan asked while taking the one-stemmed white rose from Seungcheol’s hand. “It’s your birthday, of course you deserve it” He shyly chuckled. He didn’t have to give him flower, though. Jeonghan is not really into these kinds of things._

But now, he wishes he was. He hopes he could turn back the time, he would’ve hugged him instead of just saying a little soulless _‘Thank you, best friend’_.

**_How could we celebrate a love that’s too late?_ **

“It’s really late now, isn’t it?” He thought.

Is it love? He never acknowledged it, actually.

He knows Seungcheol is important to him. He knows he is happy with him. He knows he hates being away from Seungcheol for many days, but never did think he is in love with him. He doesn’t care much about labels. But Seungcheol did.

Because for him, labels are only labels. For Jeonghan, nothing matters for as long as their friendship is growing, and that they’re both happy. He thought nothing could go wrong if they are happy with each other. They talked about this before, and he’s sure as hell Seungcheol didn’t mind.

“So what do you mean you’re done?”

**_And how could I really mean the words I’m ‘bout to say?_ **

“How will I even say it when I don’t know what it feels like?” He cried a little louder this time, he’s afraid he has to stop somewhere because his eyes are filled with tears.

Tears and driving don’t sit well together, obviously. So, he accepted defeat and knew he couldn’t do it anymore. He went to a full stop the moment he found a space big enough for his car.

There, the second he put his car on break, his tears fell nonstop, like a switch had been turned on.

Back at the diner, He wasn’t actually thinking straight but when Seungcheol was telling him goodbye, stood up and left without letting Jeonghan speak, it only dawned on him what he meant, what the dinner was for.

He didn’t fully understand what Seungcheol meant, he thought it will just be easy.

He is tired so maybe he just needs to rest. They won’t meet or talk for a long time, and that’s it. Friends do it. Friends can get separated for some time. Friends can both be busy and not hang out for a couple of days, weeks, months, even years, but they’d still be friends.

He had done it before, he had friends that he doesn’t talk with anymore.

But why does it hurt so much now?

Why did it feel like they will never see each other again?

Why does it seem like he will never have Seungcheol _ever_ again?

For the duration of their friendship, he never thought he’d lose Seungcheol. He never thought of it. _Never_. Because he knows Seungcheol will _never_ leave him. He knows Seungcheol can’t go on without him.

But he thought wrong.

“It fucking hurts and I don’t even know why” He sobs harder. He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch something or anything. But he can’t move. He can’t even breathe. He feels suffocated, like something is strangling him. He cried so much he had to roll down the window of his car to have something to inhale.

Why does it break him so much?

**_I miss the times that we almost shared._ **

_“Oh! Watch out!” He heard someone shouted but before he could even process whatever was happening, something hit his head so hard, he was knocked and fell on the ground. Fucking hell, that hurts!_

_“Oh my God! Hyung, are you okay?”_

_“Hyung, here, hold my hand. I’ll help you up.”_

_“Shua hyung, stop laughing. He’s hurt.”_

_He heard Seokmin telling his boyfriend off. Okay, so it’s obviously his best friend who’s laughing at him. “Who even plays basketball in the middle of the day?” He said as Minghao helped him stand up._

_“Hey, are you hurt?” He came face to face to a man with gentle eyes looking straight at him._

_“Well, I think you saw me being knocked down by a ball, do you think that won’t hurt?” He snapped bitterly and he knew he saw the man smirked at him. Bitch is even smiling after asking a stupid question._

_“Alright, gem. Calm down, will you?” Jeonghan was about to lose his shit but the man smiled at him and he doesn’t know if he was pissed off or was he feeling giddy because he looked so fucking good and his voice sounded so deep._

Apparently, Seokmin and Seungcheol had the same Chemistry class before, and got Jeonghan’s number through him. That’s when it all started. Jeonghan and Seungcheol became inseparable most of the times. Like what best buddies do.

It was strangely beautiful how his friends easily warmed up to Seungcheol, especially Joshua, his best friend since diaper days.

Seungcheol is so nice to everyone, so respectful, so responsible. They shared so many secrets, so many life stories, had hang outs with just the two of them. They bickered all the time, they were always very playful with each other. He would tease Seungcheol every chance he could get and he always loved it every time the other pouts in the cutest way as possible. He was so happy his best friends can finally go on dates without worrying much about him being alone.

“I guess Joshua and Seokmin’s worries are back.” He painfully chuckled while still trying to take deep breaths.

**_I miss the love that was almost there._ **

He recalled those so many times he had to sit through Joshua’s ‘lecture’ about what being in love feels like, but still, he didn’t acknowledge it, he doesn’t know. He wants to be sure first, of course, before he admits to himself. But it’s so confusing, he couldn’t pin point in his mind.

_“Okay then, tell me why do you think Seungcheol always, always comes to you first whenever you needed help?” Joshua asked him._

_Jeonghan looked at his best friend like there’s a huge question mark on his face, “I mean, Cheollie and I are also best friends so of course, he would be there?”_

_His other best friend looked funny being so pissed off at him for reasons he doesn’t know. “Bitch, he would even ditch his basketball trainings to make sure you get the best care!” Joshua snapped at him._

_“But you do the same for me, Shua.” He answered him back. “Yeah, I do, only after I finish my classes or my requirements. Seungcheol, though, doesn’t even care about other things as long as you’re doing okay.” He saw his best friend combed his hair with his fingers, obviously getting so done with the conversation. They have been going at this for almost half an hour and Jeonghan is still so oblivious of the topic._

_“I mean, do I need to tell Cheollie I love him too just so there’s an answer? He always tells me not to say it yet if I don’t feel like it. But he knows I love him because we’re also best friends!” Jeonghan asked his best friend who’s currently head over heels for Seokmin, hence, the reason why Seokmin and him got close._

_Joshua had to let out a loud and tired, tired, tired sigh. “You know what, you’re still hopeless. Let’s not have this conversation for the next three days because I swear to God, we keep coming back to ‘best buddies’ or ‘best friends’.” Joshua told him while preparing to leave their dorm._

_Jeonghan sighed, “Alright, enjoy your date, bestie!”_

**_I miss the times that we used to kiss._ **

The first time they kissed was out of their drunk selves.

_They are celebrating Jihoon’s birthday at Seungcheol’s house, all thirteen of them having so much fun. Jihoon is Seungcheol’s best friend who slowly became close with Jeonghan and his friends._

_It was weird though, one minute Seungcheol was grilling meat outside with Minghao and Mingyu. But the next hour, they were all getting drunk and noisy and Seungcheol clinging to Jeonghan. He doesn’t complain though. Seungcheol is built warmly and fit but huge, perfect for the cold weather._

_They were all singing along to Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s chaotic rendition of ‘Some’ (by Soyu and Junggigo featuring Lil Boi of Geeks), they are too loud but luckily, Seungcheol’s place is wide enough for the neighbors not to hear their screams._

_“I don’t like you, don’t like you these days._

_But I only have you, I only have you._

_Clearly draw the line for me._

_Don’t pull out but confess your love to me”_

_Seokmin and Seungkwan sang the bridge like they are the stars of a show, being their over dramatic selves that they both are with their hands clasped together and ending it with an exaggerated separation as they make a way in the middle for Soonyoung to do the rap._

_“Pretending that we’re just friends, acting like we’re lovers, don’t do that._

_The more I think about it, I get more curious about your real feelings.”_

_Jeonghan felt Seungcheol relaxes his chin on his right shoulder with the latter’s left arm still resting on his left shoulder. Seungcheol has always been clingy almost to everyone of the group, but when he sits beside Jeonghan, his clinginess increases ten times more. He acts like a koala, actually. He would put either of his arms on Jeonghan's shoulder. Or he would headlock him whenever Jeonghan teases the shit out of him, with a smile on his face, like a soft headlock. Or sometimes, he would put his arms around Jeonghan's waist. Or he would sleep beside Jeonghan while cuddling him. Or he would sniff Jeonghan's hair every damn time because 'You smell so good, it's addicting!' he always say back. Or whenever he's embarrassed in front of their friends or families, he would ran tsraight to Jeonghan to hug and try to hide his face in Jeonghan's chest. And so much more._

_Jeonghan doesn’t mind._

_“Boy, you’re so ambiguous, I can’t do anything or maybe I’m expecting a miracle, lotto._

_I want a clear sign but I forget all about it when I see your smile.”_

_The boys continued having fun and Jeonghan was enjoying the ‘concert’, occasionally humming along when he heard Seungcheol singing into his ear as quiet as possible._

_“_ _These days, it feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine, but no._

_It feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours, but no._

_Don’t just laugh like you don’t know and stop this. Now, be real with me.”_

_This time, Jeonghan made a move and turned his head to face Seungcheol who is now staring directly at him, while still singing along to the song._

_"Don’t put me in your heart and look elsewhere._

_Why don’t you stop acting like you don’t know when you do know?_

_Don’t give excuses that you’re tired but hurry and tell me,-”_

_Before Seungcheol could finish the song, Jeonghan leaned closer to him which made the former gasped and automatically look down on the pretty boy’s lips. Seungcheol had been dying to feel his lips on Jeonghan, because who wouldn’t? So he did._

_It was just a three-second peck and Jeonghan doesn’t know what made him do the leaning, but he’ll blame it on the alcohol. He doesn’t regret though, Seungcheol’s lips are soft. So he just smiled at Seungcheol and took a sip from his bottle._

_They didn’t talk about it anymore, and went back to their normal routine._

_Jeonghan wasn’t expecting for the kiss to happen again, but it did. They were drinking with some of their friends at that one local bar. It was supposed to be a casual hang out with friends, but then, alcohol was there and Seungcheol’s arm is on his shoulder, as always. Seungcheol clinging onto him, Jeonghan faced him, and another kiss._

_Again, they never talked about it_

_It shouldn’t matter though, they must have been too drunk so they kind of just let their actions be valid._

_Not until it happened when they’re both sober._

_They couldn’t talk about it because they both think it would be awkward, so they just let it go._

_But the kiss during sober happened again._

_And again._

_And again._

_It was way too many times that Jeonghan had lost count. Either they’re sober or drunk._

Now, Seungcheol’s lips will probably just be in Jeonghan’s memories.

**_At least in my dreams, just let me take my time and reminisce._ **

“He didn’t even tell me anything last night.” Jeonghan recalled his phone call with Seungcheol the night before.

_“You’re oddly quiet again, are you alright, Cheollie?” Jeonghan asked the man on the other line who answered with a sigh and a quiet “Yeah. I think I just need to sleep. Goodnight, gem.”_

_The 20-minute phone call ended, which by the way used to be hours long, with almost 15 minutes silence. In Jeonghan’s point of view, Seungcheol is just tired from his work which demands both physical and mind work, so he usually just lets him go. Unlike Jeonghan’s job, he’s only required to make his brain and typing skills work._

Jeonghan thought both of them were just too tired from work that they settled with small talks at night. Now that he thinks about it, he realized that their calls have became shorter than before. But Seungcheol was always as enthusiastic as ever, or did Jeonghan not notice if there were changes? **  
**

**_I miss the times that we never had._ **

Jeonghan took a deep breath as he tried to sit properly on his seat, making a decision to continue driving back to his apartment. He was trying to get a piece of tissue in the glove box when his eyes subconsciously stared at the shining band laced around his right arm.

_“Happy birthday, gem!” Seungcheol whispered while he puts the bracelet around Jeonghan’s right wrist. It’s a silver chain with a little diamond-shaped pendant clasped in the middle._

_“A diamond? Really?” he asked the man who gifted him. He doesn’t mind the diamond, actually. He just wanted to know what Seungcheol’s nickname for him means._

_“Yeah, you’re like a diamond, a gem, to me. You’re so precious and you helped me a lot in everything.” Seungcheol replied. “You’re too sweet, Cheollie. I hope whoever marries you, will appreciate you the same way you appreciate people.” He smiled at him._

“I saw him frowned.” Jeonghan quietly chuckled only realizing that he gave the wrong answer that time he was given the ‘precious gem’.

Why is love so complicated? Jeonghan, for sure, have read this statement anywhere else so many times before and still doesn’t get an answer. “This is why I hate putting names on friendships.” He cried.

Can’t people just go without labels? At least they’d remain as friends. Rather than asking for a defined relationship and when things don’t go the same way as planned, they’d separate. Just like now.

**_What happened to us, we were almost there._ **

“I hate you. I hate you so much.” He swears to God he hates Seungcheol.

“You said you can wait. Fucking lies.” He sobbed harder.

_Fuck driving, I’m going to fucking cry because this shit fucking pains me so much._

**_Whoever said it’s impossible to miss what you never had, never almost had you._ **

“Shua, it hurts.” Jeonghan cried to the other line.

Realizing how his best friend hasn’t sent him a message, Joshua called him to make sure he’s alright.

Obviously, he isn’t.

“I know, Hannie. I know. But I need you to pull yourself together, we’ll meet you at our apartment, okay? Seokmin and I will be there.” Joshua tried his best to let Jeonghan know that he’s not alone in this.

“I’ll make sure I’ll be at the door the moment you step into our apartment, okay? Take care, Hannie. Please. For me and Seokmin. We’ll wait for you.” Jeonghan’s tears fell even more when they ended the call.

At least, he knows he has Joshua and Seokmin. He’s not sure with his other friends, because Dino, Seungkwan and Minghao also became close with Seungcheol and his friends.

“Fuck!” He screamed knowing that a lot would change.

**_I cannot believe I let you go, or what I should’ve said is, I should’ve grabbed you up and never let you go._ **

“How do I stop you when you didn’t even let me talk?” Because Seungcheol never even answered him when Jeonghan asked how was his work. He just remained silent and then dropped the bomb, stood up, and left.

_“Trust me, gem. Okay? No matter what happens, I’ll never leave you.” Seungcheol hugs him as he cries on his shoulder after hearing the news of his Grandma’s passing. Jeonghan has the worst effects when it comes to people leaving him, because who wouldn’t?_

“What trust?” He laughed while crying, if that makes sense. Jeonghan is a whole embodiment of mess, especially right now. He couldn’t even find that fucking bottle of water he wanted to get a taste of because he had been crying for hours. And if he won’t drink, then he might as well collapse.

And he can’t wait to drown himself with alcohol but how can he do that when he can’t even drive? “So, Jeonghan. Fix yourself. Stop fucking crying!”

But his mind and heart say otherwise, Jeonghan stopped fighting and let his tears take over his emotions.

**_I should’ve went out with you._ **

He let himself reminisce every moment there is. From Seungcheol’s voice, stares, smiles, kisses, and hugs. “His hugs are the best.” He sadly chuckled _again._

He remembered those times Seungcheol asked him to hang out or drive around or watch movie together but he refused because he’s an idiot and would rather sleep his day off rather than go out.

“If I’ve known you will leave me too then I would’ve spent those days with you.” The way he realized that he regrets not spending many days with Seungcheol instead of regretting meeting him, must have meant something.

_‘In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.’_

Exactly.

**_I should’ve made you my boo, boy._ **

“If this is what they call love, I don’t want this. I don’t need this. I hate this.”

Jeonghan hates feeling pressured, like forced into something he isn’t willing to do. With love, he didn’t want it to be forced. He wasn’t even thinking about finding his other half. Why would he need to when he has his friends, he has Joshua and Seokmin, he has his Seungcheol. He _had,_ or _used_ to have.

He never thought of labeling his friendship with Seungcheol because what is the difference between friendship love and romantic love? They’re all love, nevertheless. So what’s the point?

Seungcheol used to be so understanding when it comes to this, so what made him tired?

**_Yeah, that’s one time I should’ve broke the rules._ **

Is this what people say to take risk?

Is this why people gets asked to choose between love and friendship?

_If I gave him the answer that he wants, would everything be better? What if he’s not the one I want? What if I meet someone I am sure I’m in love with? Wouldn’t that hurt him more? What if I only like him as my best friend?_

“If I did, then why does it hurt now?”

**_I should’ve went on the date, should’ve found a way to escape, should’ve turned almost into if it happens, now it’s too late._ **

**One.** _“Jeonghaaaan, come with me please? Gem, please. Please.” Jeonghan can imagine Seungcheol’s pout as he whines to him on the phone. It’s a Saturday and Jeonghan just wants to eat his strawberry cake for the whole day. He doesn’t even get up from his bed, he just asked Joshua to bring his cake in his bedroom and three bottles of water. It just shows how much he wants to spend the whole day doing nothing._

_“Cheollie, I just had a whole week of rushed deadlines. Let me please rest for today.” After a few more convincing, Seungcheol finally let him have his peace._

**Two.** _“It’s our game tomorrow, make sure you’re there, okay? I need you there, gem.” Seungcheol had been telling him for five times now and Jeonghan answered him the same for five times as well. “Yes, Cheollie. I will be there.”_

_The game is about to start and Jeonghan is nowhere to be seen. Seungcheol asked their friends and they said they couldn’t contact Jeonghan either._

_“Oh my God! I forgot it’s Cheollie’s game today! I’m sorry Kyungmin, I need to go. Thanks for the coffee and see you around the campus!” Jeonghan hurriedly went out of the café to run back to the gym. He was supposed to be here two hours ago but then he got caught up by his old friend who was initially asking for directions. After a little chit-chat on the hallway, they decided to have coffee and catch up. Two hours later, he forgot about the game._

_“Cheollie, I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen him in years. I swear I was supposed to be the earliest cheerer for you but I got caught up.” Jeonghan had been asking for forgiveness for thirty minutes now and his best friend still won’t budge. Seungcheol is just driving them back to his house._

_“Cheollie, please.” He tried his best to sound as sorry as possible._

_“Do you like him?” For the first time today, Seungcheol finally spoke to him. But what? “What? We just had coffee? Also, what does this have to do with-” He asked back._

_“Maybe you like him, that’s why you forgot about me.” Seungcheol pouted and still not glancing at Jeonghan._

_“What? No! I just really lost track of time. Please forgive me. I promise I will be there on the front row for the championship.” Seungcheol went silent and slowly nodded._

_“Congratulations, Cheollie! I’m so proud of you!”_

**Three.** _“We were supposed to go together at this event, gem. You promised me. But where are you? There, drinking in a bar because you got reprimanded at work. What about me?”_

_Seungcheol and Jeonghan argued for a couple of minutes until the former probably got tired and just lets the latter be. At the end of the day, Jeonghan went to Seungcheol’s house to compromise and of course, he’s forgiven._

**Four.** _"Gem, your sister is looking for you, and I am also worried. You never miss any of Mimi's presentations." Seungcheol asked him on the phone._

_"I know, Cheollie, I know. But I was too tired and took a nap. I swear I never planned on sleeping for too long. The alarm didn't ring. I'm so sorry, please tell Mimi that I'm on my way. Let's meet at her favorite foodchain." Jeonghan almost got out of the house without his wallet, he was so stupid for sleeping in. Thank God, Cheollie was there._

_"Alright. Please take care, gem." Seungcheol sighed._

_"Okay. Thank you so much, Cheollie. You're my hero." He could feel Seungcheol smiling before he ended the call._

And there were many more.

And Seungcheol had always been forgiving him. It’s as if he is so whipped that every ‘Cheollie, please’ works for him.

“If I call you tonight and ask for forgiveness, will you let me?”

He couldn’t do it anyway. He couldn’t even look at their conversation. Maybe it’s too early to ask for pain to be gone but one can only hope.

He sighed and finally got pieces of tissues on his hand.

**_How could I celebrate a love that wasn’t real?_ **

“What’s there to celebrate, I lost a best friend because he wants more and I don’t” Jeonghan wiped his wet, wet face, one more time and properly looked for his bottle of water to drink.

He took a deep, deep breath before he started his engine, ready to drive himself home.

**_And if it didn’t happen, why does my heart feel?_ **

He stood in front of their apartment ready to knock on the door when it burst open revealing his two best friends.

“Oh God, Hannie.” Joshua whispered with his arms wide open for his best friend to hug. Jeonghan just let his body ran into him, desperately waiting for someone to accept him, with whole heart. He could hear Seokmin’s little “I love you, hyung”, “We’re always here, hyung”, “You’re not alone, hyung.” He had never felt so warm until his best friends came to rescue him.

“I hate- hate him so- so much, Shua.”

“He doesn’t- doesn’t want to see- me anymore.”

“He said he’s tired of- of me.”

“Cheollie- Cheollie- Cheollie left me.”

“Shua, I don’t know what to do.”

“Shua- why does it hurt?”

Jeonghan managed to speak in between his sobs. Joshua and Seokmin just listened to all his sentiments, feeling so broken as well for their best friend.

After several minutes of crying, sobbing, weeping, wailing, the couple helped him walk into his bedroom to lay him down his bed.

As much as he wants to get wasted, he’s too tired to even eat proper meal so he just lets them put him to bed. _Tomorrow, I’m getting drunk as fuck._

The couple left his room after they helped him change his clothes and a few kisses on his forehead so he can call tonight a _motherfucking_ day.

Seungcheol. Seungcheol. Seungcheol. Seungcheol.

Choi _freaking_ Seungcheol.

“I hate you so damn fucking much.”


	2. Sunnyland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take me back to Sunnyland."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry if it took so long, I opened a small business with my bestfriend so I got busy with it huhu.  
> Anyway, second chapter is here. This is in Seungcheol's POV hehe I hope I don't disappoint you. huhu  
> Enjoy~

“Hi, hyung! How’s Canada? Wait, let me set up the phone.” Soonyoung said as he fixes the phone so Seungcheol can see all of them.

His friends were all in Jihoon’s studio having a drink, and Seungcheol feels so lonely because he misses them. He’s been in Canada for almost a year, he was assigned to lead the project that will soon be done, and he hasn’t met them since.

He was supposed to come home for Christmas but his team members needed him so he couldn’t even take a week off. _How tiring._ He promised once the project is successfully executed, he won’t accept overseas projects anymore.

“Done! Hyung, can you see all of us now?” Soonyoung excitedly told him and Seungcheol nodded. They try to have video calls at least twice a month, but if it gets too hectic, they settle with once a month.

He could see Jihoon sitting in his chair, he’s the closest to the phone, and on his right is Soonyoung who’s sitting in a stool Seungcheol gifted Jihoon when he first had his own studio. On the couch a little farther at the back lies Wonwoo, he’s on his phone, probably playing online games. On the floor, Mingyu and Junhui are playing board games with bottles of beer beside them.

“Hyung, how are you?” Wonwoo asked him after taking a sip of beer.

Seungcheol sighed and leaned back on his headboard, “I’m alright, just a little tired, but I’m fine. I’ve got no work for tomorrow so hopefully, there will be no emergency calls because I’m beat. Where’s Vernon?”

“He’s on his way, he called me earlier.” Mingyu answered who is playing monopoly with Junhui, Soonyoung and Wonwoo. Jihoon is busy writing, he probably thought of a meaningful line that could be put into a song.

After a few talks and drinks, Vernon came bringing in another set of bottles and food. “Damn, I miss everything.” Seungcheol whined showing how envious of his friends.

“Everything? Not ‘someone’, hyung?” Junhui teased him, all his other friends laughed at his funny and awkward facial expression.

Seungcheol ignored the question and turned his attention to Vernon who is currently begging his Jihoon hyung to sit somewhere else, because he missed his Seungcheol hyung, he said. “Why are you late though, Vernon?”

“Oh, I met up with Dino and Seungkwan this morning.” Vernon answered him before taking a bite on a slice of pizza.

“How are they?” Seungcheol asked. He _tried_ not to sound sad, _or was it bitter_ , or maybe he’s just really sad. He doesn’t really know, it’s not even a year yet, but it feels longer.

“Who exactly are you asking for, hyung?” Soonyoung interrupted. Again, his friends laughed at him.

“Soonyoung.” Jihoon said in a stern way to shut his boyfriend up.

Vernon hummed signaling for Seungcheol to wait as he finishes his third slice of pizza. “Who? Seungkwan? Dino? They’re alright, still the same. Always bickering.”

“They never changed, huh.”

And Vernon nodded.

“Are you pursuing Seungkwan now?”

And Vernon choked on his beer.

“What do you mean? We’re just friends. The three of us, we’re really good friends.” Vernon tried to defend himself but actually he sounded like a child who was caught right handed eating sweets.

Seungcheol and his friends mocked Vernon’s _“We’re just friends.”_ And all of them are almost lying on the floor laughing, so Vernon had to throw several pillows on them. Thank God he didn’t throw it where the bottles of beer are.

“How about you, Junhui? You never mentioned Minghao anymore.” Seungcheol asked the man who is throwing a little tantrum because he lost the game.

“What’s there to mention?” Junhui stood up and sat on the couch while chugging down his another bottle of beer.

“What do you mean? What happened?” Seungcheol sensed some tension on Junhui’s voice. And how the hell was he not informed about this issue. He thought everything else was okay when he left, _only his heart was in pain._ But actually, his friends never mention _their_ names unless it was Seungcheol who asked first, which was rarely, considering he wanted to let go of his unrequited feelings. They would tease him here and there but never mentioning _his_ name.

Don’t ask him if he’s moved on, because he doesn’t know.

“Well, hyung. As you can see. Our boy, Junhui, here has been playing around for like...... a year. I’m not sure how many boys and girls has he dated but _damn._ You gotta do some beating in his ass. He hasn’t been a good boy lately.” Wonwoo informed him and his friends snickered and _tsk_ ed at Junhui.

“We just stopped, hyung. That’s it. Nothing else.” Junhui explained.

“Are you sure?” Jihoon asked him. It feels like they’ve been waiting for Junhui to speak up about this _problem_ for years. Like they wanted to ask him but they didn’t know how.

Seungcheol and Jihoon’s eyes met, like they’re sending unspoken messages with each other, so the older spoke, “Junhui, you do know we’re not convinced, right?” And that’s when the said man sighed and tried to relax as he speaks. “Hyung, it’s just- I was wrong, okay? I know I’m wrong. But I just didn’t know how to deal with it so I just- I just let him go.” There, he stood up and grabbed another bottle of beer. _Thank God, no work for tomorrow. This will take time._ Seungcheol thought.

“You didn’t let him go, bitch. You just left him. Oh no, you went MIA and then one day went to the bar and then found an available person, brought her on a place where you know Minghao would be, flirted with her like a stupid show off.” Wonwoo contradicted and Junhui just pushed his shoulder lightly.

“All of you know how important Seungcheol hyung for me is, right? He helped me _so much_ , and I mean, _so so much_. From getting me out of those dark days, to actually being top in my classes, all thanks to him. Now, I work in this fine company, I have a stable job, I even got the modeling contract I didn’t know I would have. If it wasn’t because of Seungcheol hyung, I’m probably out there on the streets doing some bullshit.” Junhui explained while all of his friends listen to him. The others stopped playing and just drinking.

Seungcheol couldn’t help but reminisce the first time he met Junhui outside his father’s company.

_Seungcheol just finished his classes and went straight to his then grandfather’s company to prepare for their traditional family dinner. As he was walking to the entrance door with his father, he heard a couple of teenagers, who are probably the same age as him or even younger, beating up a poor skinny child. That’s when he told his father about it, and soon enough he is helping the beaten up child to walk to the company’s clinic._

_Seungcheol’s father took Junhui in their own home, his family treating him like he’s part of them._

_Turns out Junhui’s parents went back to China for better life and decided to just leave him in his uncle’s care. But obviously, his uncle is always too drunk to even care for him. That’s when Junhui started going out with kids that are basically trouble._

_Seungcheol’s mother wanted to officially adopt Junhui but the said man was a little hopeful his parents will be back for him._

_Junhui went to the same school Seungcheol did, and there, he met Jihoon, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Soonyoung and Vernon._

“I used to like _him_ , you know, he’s one of the kindest, but now I don’t like _him_ for Seungcheol hyung. I saw how much effort hyung has given, I saw those tired eyes he had, I was there every drunk night hyung had. I know it’s petty and quite childish but you can’t help me. Seungcheol hyung is the older brother I never had, and I promised that I’d choose him over anyone.” Seungcheol just smiled at Junhui’s words.

He wanted to thank Junhui for choosing him but it was still wrong. “I know how much you’re thankful, you’ve said that to me for so many times. But what you did to Minghao was a little unfair not just for him, but also to you. Do you think he’s happy with what you’ve done? Are you even happy?” He calmly questioned the younger, but said man just sighed sadly.

“Alright, hyung. I’ll try to do something about it.”

“You should, Jun. Apologize to him. Don’t be like _him_ who didn’t even say a single sorry for all the heartbreaks _he_ gave Seungcheol hyung.” Jihoon interrupted.

Seungcheol almost choked on his beer when he remembered he hasn’t told any of his friends. His friends heard him having his choking moments so they all looked at him worriedly.

After he calmed down, he spoke, “Actually, he did.” His friends raised one of their eyebrows in synchronization. He would have been laughing if they were in different situation. A lot of people have noticed that their group of friends, including _them_ actually, have this weird habit of subconsciously doing something all at the same time, and they would always laugh at those comments. _Good, good old days._

“ _He_ apologized to you? _He_ did? Jeonghan hyung talked to you? And you never told us? Hyung, why is that? What did he say?” Mingyu asked questions in one breathing.

_It has been two? Three? Maybe four weeks, Seungcheol doesn’t remember. It has been so, so long since he deleted Jeonghan’s number. It has been so long since he left the diner. It has been so long since he last talked to him. It has been so long since he heard his calm voice. It has been so long since he last saw his pretty face. It has been so long since he started drinking every night._

_Seungcheol doesn’t remember what triggered him to actually say those words to Jeonghan._

_Probably because he’s had enough of Jeonghan’s colleagues always trying to flirt with him and Jeonghan not doing anything to stop them. Because why would he stop him? It’s not like they’re an official couple._

_Probably because he’s had enough of Jeonghan trying to dodge the topic whenever he’s about to ask about their relationship and Jeonghan would just cling to him to make him stop asking. Because what’s stopping him? They normally act like an official couple so why not make it like that?_

_Prabably because he’s had enough of people around them asking them to get married as soon as possible, when they’re not even an official couple. This ‘they’re not even an official couple’ is going to be as repetitive as they truly are because that’s what they were._

_Probably because he’s had enough of Jeonghan acting so oblivious when he goddamn knows there’s some feelings involved, but he just wouldn’t acknowledge it._

_Probably because Seungcheol just really wants to be with someone who’s on the same page as him._

_It has been weeks since he last heard about Jeonghan’s doings. He avoided every possible place he and his friends would probably be at. And he definitely didn’t expect a message from him. He deleted Jeonghan’s number but who is he kidding? He memorized the digits by heart._

_“Hey. I know I should’ve said this earlier, but I don’t have the courage to do so. But here I am. I heard from Seungkwan that you’re assigned in a far country and I’m not sure if you’ll read this, I’m probably blocked or something. But I would just like to apologize for everything. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I took you for granted. I’m sorry if I didn’t try harder. You’re an amazing person, Cheollie. I hope you know that. And I’ll be forever grateful to have met you, to have you for all those years you made me feel safe. I hope someday the right love will find you, and that he or she can give you the love, the support, the happiness that you definitely deserve. You deserve a lot of good things in this world, Cheollie. Thank you and be safe. Gem.”_

Seungcheol remembered spent eight hours crying after going over and over on Jeonghan’s message.

His friends were just staring back at him when he summarized Jeonghan’s apology to him.

“Hyung, do you still love him?” Vernon, out of nowhere, asked him. And he couldn’t answer him back.

Because he doesn’t know.

He focused so much on the project that he forgot what it feels like to be in love. He doesn’t know if he completely moved on, or the distance just made him think that he did.

He really doesn’t know.

Thank God Jihoon saved him and asked, “When are you coming home?” And he saw all of his friends stopped whatever they were doing anticipating his answer.

Seungcheol sighed, “I’m not sure, the project’s supposed to be done in two months, we still have to test everything out. Don’t worry, I’ll definitely tell you because who else would be waiting for me at the airport?” He smiled at them and they all drank from their bottles.

Later on with more emptied bottles and more drunken friends, they were talking about Jihoon and Soonyoung’s plans of moving in together.

“It’s about time. I didn’t expect Mingyu and Wonwoo would live together earlier than the two of you.” Seungcheol told his best friend while the others are almost drunk.

“I just want a home we can permanently stay at, you know?” Jihoon answered him while looking at happy Soonyoung.

Seungcheol felt sad, somehow. He’s glad his friends are happy with their lives, and having someone to support them. He feels so alone.

“Hey, you’ll find someone, don’t worry.” His best friend smiled at him.

He smiled back.

_I hope so._

“Anyway, I need to sleep now, it’s almost morning here.” Seungcheol announced and all his friends drunkenly walked to the camera and waved at him one by one.

“Bye, hyung!” Mingyu and Junhui screamed in unison which caused the others to give them a slap on their cheeks.

Soonyoung, then, went too close on the camera and told him, “Hyung! Hyung! You should listen to my baby’s short cover! Please listen to it! He’s so good!” Then he faced his boyfriend, “Jihoon, baby, please send it to hyung. Please! Please!” He begged until Jihoon calmed him down.

After few more drunken goodbyes from his friends, they ended the call. He waited until Jihoon’s message popped up on his notifications.

As soon as he played it, he let out a sad laugh because he knows the song, and the meaning of the entire song.

**_I dreamt about an old abandoned hospital._ **

“These little shit.” Of all the songs he could’ve covered, he chose this one song he’s definitely reminded of _someone_.

**_And I met up with my friends to go inside._ **

“I’m pretty sure it’s either Soonyoung or Junhui who requested this song. Those spoiled assholes.”

Those two are the most annoying but he loves them still. He remembered those drunk nights they had. Those two would always be the last men standing to bring Seungcheol to bed even if they’re the first to get drunk. Seungcheol has the highest tolerance out of them all, so when he gets wasted, it only means he’s using alcohol to get over something.

Mingyu is not the most helpful because he gets to be so clingy and wouldn’t let Wonwoo go even just for a second. He would whine nonstop if Wonwoo makes a single move. And Wonwoo is just as whipped as his boyfriend is, and would definitely do everything Mingyu wants.

Vernon, on the other hand, would always be the one to hold the microphone and would sing his heart out, he’s one of the loudest when drunk. They just let him be because it’s very rare for him to be loud, he’s too quiet when sober.

Jihoon, even though he’s Seungcheol’s childhood bestfriend, is the least cooperative of them all in terms of drinking nights because he would just sleep soundly on the couch not bothering to do some cleaning.

**_Well, I left something important back in Sunnyland._ **

He was brought back to reality when he heard his best friend’s pleasant voice.

“My sunnyland.” He can feel his heart cracked at the realization.

**_And it's something that I know I'll never find._ **

Seungcheol knows he’ll never find someone as precious as him. But he’ll try to forget the feelings. He _needs_ to forget, it has been years. He knows his friends miss them too. He knows they’re trying not to take sides but since they’re friends first with Seungcheol so they stick with him.

But whenever he thinks of being in a relationship, Jeonghan’s name would pop up like an automatic switch. He can, somehow, still feel Jeonghan’s touch. His oh-so-warm skin.

The way Jeonghan would hug him anytime he wants.

_“Cheollie, I got a low score.”_

_“Cheollie, I’m hungry.”_

_“Cheollie, Mimi’s mad at me.”_

_“Cheollie, I miss Grandma.”_

_“Cheollie, my mom would get mad at me.”_

There’s so much more whines, and all of them Jeonghan would end up hugging Seungcheol, like he always finds comfort in him. Seungcheol isn’t complaining though, he’s usually the clingy one so when Jeonghan initiates, he’s more than ecstatic. He feels happy whenever Jeonghan relies on him.

“Who are you hugging now when you’re scared?” He remembered those times the two of them would go out and watch drive-in movies together. Most movies they watched were usually the horror ones, all because Jeonghan likes them but still gets scared. And Seungcheol enjoys those times because Jeonghan would usually cling his entire body close to Seungcheol, even though the latter is also a huge scared cat. Probably more scared than Jeonghan, but he wouldn’t admit it, of course. Because if he did, Jeonghan might not bring him to these movies anymore.

He knows he’ll always look for Jeonghan’s touch, voice, heart even if he tries to move on. How can he move on when Jeonghan has been the best thing he ever had?

Or the best thing he never had.

**_So take me back to Sunnyland._ **

**One.** _“Seungcheol? Where are you? Seungcheol? Choi Seungcheol!” He can hear Jeonghan’s mad steps coming into his room but he’s too scared to answer back because a pissed off Jeonghan is the second thing he’s afraid of. First is losing him for life._

_The moment his bedroom door opened and revealed his favorite person, he tried to smile at Jeonghan, but of course, the latter is too pissed off to even mind his innocent smile. His friends who are accompanying him tried to leave the room but decided not to, in case Jeonghan gets too mad, they have to lighten up his mood._

_“Didn’t I tell you to not attend your training? You’re so sick last night, why won’t you listen to me?” Jeonghan walked to him and hissed when he touched Seungcheol’s forehead, who’s obviously is still on fever. Adding to that, Seungcheol got a painful sprain on his ankle and wrist._

_“See where it got you?” Seungcheol just keeps quiet and lets all Jeonghan’s frustrations out._

_“Who pushed you? You’re the team captain why did you let them push you? Again, why did you leave your house? Now, what would we do with your classes? How about the competition? Does it hurt? Did they give you pain killers?” Jeonghan went around him checking on his entire body. When he’s already on the other side of the bed, the younger’s face changed from pissed off to concerned._

_“Have you eaten?” Before Seungcheol could even answer him, Jeonghan faced their friends and asked them instead, “Did you give him food? Has he taken his medicine?”_

_Mingyu, who is standing the nearest to Jeonghan, answered him, “Yes, hyung. I cooked soup for him.”_

Seungcheol took his wallet by his bedside table and looked for _that_ one special photo he doesn’t have a heart to throw.

It is a stolen photo of him and Jeonghan on their sports’ week when they were both resting on the stage. It was when Jeonghan still had a long light brown hair. It was taken by Minghao and they were looking at each other with big smiles on their faces. _“Looks like a couple to me”_ Minghao and Mingyu would always say. _“Yeah, like they forgot they’re in public. I mean, this man right here looks like he would kiss Jeonghan right there.”_ Jeonghan’s bestfriend, Joshua would always agree.

**Two.** _“Oh you’re awake. Come here, I got Seokmin’s Chemistry notes, so eat this soup your mom prepared and then I’ll teach you the lesson, slowly.”_

**Three.** _“I’m sorry, you’re here again to teach me lessons that aren’t even in your classes.” Seungcheol weakly said as Jeonghan helped him sit up on his bed._

_“It’s okay, Cheollie. I don’t mind. I finished my home works while you were asleep. But can you please stop getting the worst colds every time exams are near?”_

**Four.** _“Your dad talked to me, he said you don’t talk to him. What happened?” Jeonghan asked him as they sat down the café._

_“He wants me to shift to business course. Gem, you know I hate the business world.” Seungcheol eats his seafood pasta with a pout that Jeonghan always finds cute._

_“Did you tell him that?”_

_“Yeah, and then I walked out.” Seungcheol’s voice got smaller because he realized what he has just done two nights before._

_“Cheollie, you told me you’ll try to handle your emotions better, especially with your dad. You know he’ll understand you if you just talk to him in a calm way.”_

In the end, Jeonghan helped him talk to his parents about his desires. Now, he’s here, a Chief Engineer working in one of his family’s sub-companies.

Jeonghan had done so many good things for him, for his personality, for his mindset. If it wasn’t for him, he’ll probably be rebelling against his father. He’s probably out there wasting his parents’ money and hardworks.

As his best friend’s cover about to last, he couldn’t help but think how Jeonghan had been the backbone of his changed life. He was the light in his dark, dark life. He gave him the light. He gave him a chance to live a better life. He used to be the black sheep in his family. He used to despise his family. But after meeting Jeonghan, their family started to become one. They’re closer than ever. Seungcheol came back to being his mom’s clingy baby. His parents continued on supporting him and his older brother. Their home became _home_.

They were all because of Jeonghan. But he would say “ _No, I just helped you.”_

But if it wasn’t for Jeonghan, his life is pointless.

His light.

His sunnyland.

**_So I can find the light again._ **

“Jeonghan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? I hope you liked (?) it? Somehow?  
> I won't be busy for the next few days so I believe I can post the last chapter this week hehe. Also, I want to try to write more in the future, I just hope I can do them so I can show you hehe  
> Anyway, have a nice day for all of you!


	3. We Both Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time heals wounds; they leave scars, but the scars remind you of how strong you’ve been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo~ i’m sorry it took so long ㅠㅠㅠㅠ  
> Also, i hope you’ll like this chapter :)
> 
> Thank you so much for waiting/reading!

  
“A good drink, yes! Finally! I deserve this.” Seungkwan exclaimed the moment they stepped in the bar.

The smell of different types of alcohol reached Jeonghan’s nose, but they don’t smell nasty, they smell like  ‘ _We are going to have fun finally_ ’. This bar is where they would usually spend their drinking nights every after few weeks of toxic work.

Jeonghan smiled at the sight of his successful friends, slowly realizing how many years have passed from their struggling days after college to having stable jobs of their own.

His thoughts got interrupted when he heard someone called Seokmin and the whole group stopped to look at the person.

“Seokmin!” Soonyoung screamed since the place is full of people talking while a live band is performing. Jeonghan and his friends turned their heads towards him while Soonyoung ran to hug Seokmin. “Oh my God, you’re here too!” Seokmin said hugging him back.

“Yeah, Cheol hyung is ba-“ Seokmin and Soonyoung both gasped and eyes wide upon realization hit them.

Only then did Jeonghan realized what Soonyoung was trying to say, and before his mind could even process, his eyes turned to the said man who was also staring back at him.

Oh.

  
  


Almost two hours of drinking, an hour of it, Seungcheol spent looking back and forth from the table at the second floor to his friends in front of him. “You said you’ve moved on, why the hell do you still check on him?” Jihoon asked him.

“I’m not looking at him, okay? I just look around the bar. It’s been so long since I’ve been here.” He  tried  to reason, which obviously his friends didn’t believe.

“Alright, hyung. Whatever you say.” Wonwoo replied before drinking from his bottle.

* * *

It’s Seungcheol’s father’s birthday and it’s quite a big celebration. From the whole Choi clan to the business partners of the family, Seungcheol has been used to these kinds of events, his mother would usually throw the grandest parties every single time. And in every parties, he greets almost the same people in the huge room.

Meanwhile across the room where the banquet was, “Jihoon, my son!” Jihoon heard Seungcheol’s mother speak to him while they were both getting cupcakes.

“Oh, hey Mom! Quite luxurious foods here, aren’t they?” Jihoon replied to her, they referred to her as their ‘mom’ as well since she loved that.

“Yeah, your mom requested some of these.” Jihoon’s and Seungcheol’s mothers have been friends for a long time, hence, the two of them also grew up with each other.

“I heard from Cheol that you’re planning again to propose?” Jihoon had to look around if anyone has heard her because that will ruin his soon-to-be-planned proposal, thank God all the guests were busy minding their own conversations.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I won’t say a word to anyone. Can I have a favor though?” She brought Jihoon into one of the vacant tables to talk to him about something ‘important’.

“I’m very worried about him. You and your friends are all getting married, and here Seungcheol is, single and doesn’t even take a glance to anyone I introduce to him. I don’t want him to grow old all alone, Jihoon. Please help me find him someone I can trust.” She almost begged at him.

“I’ll do what I can, Mom, don’t worry.” He smiled at Seungcheol’s mother, already worrying about who in his staff will he let Seungcheol take him out.

Seungcheol’s mother sighed which made Jihoon stopped thinking about the names of his staff, “You know that he hasn’t been with anyone after Jeonghan, right? I’m afraid he’s still not over him. If our plan doesn’t work, maybe you can just let the two of them talk? Even as friends, at least. I just know there’s something missing in him when they..... fell apart.”

* * *

  
“Cheol? You busy today?” Seungcheol heard Jihoon on the line. “Hmm. Not really, just checking Dad’s papers. Why?” He replied.

“Alright, good. Would you please pick up my boyfriend from Seungkwan’s flat? They’re celebrating Dino, Vernon and Seokmin’s birthdays and I promised I’ll pick him up but I got caught up with this deadline tonight.” Seungcheol can hear the tiredness from his bestfriend’s voice so he had no other choice but to agreed.

“Soonyoung doesn’t want to spend the night there even if I tell him to, so please just drop him off here at my studio. I promise I’ll make it up to you, Choi.”

So now, he’s here waiting for Seungkwan’s door to be opened. He can hear the loud and slurred voices from the inside which makes him stretch his arms because he knows for sure he’ll be dragging a very wasted Soonyoung.

“Oh, Cheollie!” He was stunned the moment the door opened and revealed a drunk Jeonghan, cheeks pink with a bottle in hand.  _Prettier_.  “Come on in, we’re having fun! You’re quite late for the party though.”

Seungcheol didn’t know what to say since this is the first time they talked after these years.

“I, uhh, I came to pick up Soonyoung.” He said while trying to help the beautiful man walk to the living room.

“Soonie, Cheollie came to pick you up! Isn’t he the sweetest?” Seungcheol is sure as hell Jeonghan doesn’t know what he’s doing, because sober Jeonghan would’ve tried to avoid him just like what they did in the bar.

Soon enough, Seungcheol’s almost out the door with Soonyoung hugging his arm when Jeonghan spoke, “Bye bye, Cheollie! Bye bye, Soonie!”

And  _ someone  _ felt his heart was about to burst for no reason. No reason at all.  _ Definitely  _ no reason.

* * *

  
“Hey, which one from these suits Seokmin best?” Joshua dragged his bestfriend to this jewelry store to look and help him choose the best engagement ring for his boyfriend.

“‘Simplicity is beauty.’ Believe in that quote.” Jeonghan calmly replied as he looked over at different styles of wedding rings.

“Bitch, you don’t even pay attention to me!” The staff in front of him got shocked when he shouted so Joshua smiled at her and whispered, “Don’t worry, we’re not fighting, this is just us on a daily basis.”

Then, he called Jeonghan to come to him so he could take a look at the choices.

As Jeonghan was about to look up from the jewelry on the glass cabinet, something caught his eye,  _someone caught his eye_. “Oh.”

“Jeonghan, I swear to- holy shit, is that Seungcheol? With a girl?” Joshua immediately rushed over to Jeonghan and the two bestfriends started whispering to each other as they tried to keep themselves unnoticeable from the man outside the store.

“Told you, if you wanted him back, you should’ve grabbed his arm that night at the bar, kissed the shit out of him, took the risk and explained your side. But no,  _ boo-hoo _ , now he’s got a girlfriend, so I say, let’s go back there and help me find my ring.”

  
  


* * *

“Oh please, hyung, I’ve scrubbed in for a twelve-hour surgery, let’s get me wasted tonight, please!” Minghao pleaded right after they left the Chief’s room.

“Alright, alright. Calm down, will you? Go get your things, we’ll wait here.” Jeonghan chuckled at his friend.

Getting wasted tonight, that’s the plan.

Until, Minghao and Dino heard an emergency, they didn’t want to come actually, since they thought there are available doctors and nurses.

Perks of being friends with the Chief’s son, Minghao and Dino get to have the same shift hours every single time, just so they’re complete whenever they get together .

But then, on their way out, they saw familiar faces and voices who obviously sounded so anxious and worried.

“Hyung, wake up! Please!” Minghao heard a very, very familiar voice that’s been haunting him for years, so when he looked and stared at the man for a good three seconds, only then did he realize that it’s the guy he’s been hoping to never meet again.

“Junhui?” Minghao’s thoughts got cut off when he heard Jeonghan screamed.

“Oh my God, what the hell happened?” Seungkwan rushed to the three injured boys.  


Jihoon, who got the fewest injuries based on his cleaner appearance, not exactly clean but he’s got less blood, is looking like a little out of it and is just too quiet, probably shocked with whatever happened to them. Meanwhile, the man who Minghao shouldn’t meet again, got more blood on his face and body and looks like he’s been crying so much.

Minghao’s heart pounded with worry that he had to stop on his tracks and ran a little later than his friends.

He, then, looked at the man lying on the stretcher with so much blood and eyes closed. “Cheollie?” Minghao heard a whisper on his right.

Minghao’s attending faced him, “Dr. Xu, can you please go and assist the other passengers’ injuries?”

Minghao was so shocked he didn’t comprehend what was said to him so Dino interferred, “Hao hyung, I’ll scrub in on Seungcheol hyung’s surgery. Can you help Junhui hyung and Jihoon hyung?” Minghao nodded.

Dino is probably the only sane human being at this moment.

Minghao started cleaning on Jihoon’s wounds while Junhui sits on the bed a little farther to Jihoon’s, he’s being treated by a nurse.

“You should go tend to Junhui’s. He got it worse than me.” Jihoon looked at him and pointed at the man Minghao doesn’t want to talk to.

“What happened, hyung?” He’s almost done treating Jihoon’s injuries since they weren’t as bloody as the other two men had.

“We were looking for a good place. I wanted to propose for Soonyoung next month, and these two wanted to join me.” 

_ Why is everyone proposing?  _ Minghao thought as Jihoon continued, “So, they volunteered. Seungcheol was driving, Junhui was in the passenger seat, I was at the back seat. We were, you know, having fun in the car. Singing along and stuff. And then suddenly, there was a car coming our way and it was too late for Seungcheol to avoid it. You know, just when you thought the coast is clear since the road wasn’t crowded, a drunk driver came out of nowhere. And then we hit a barricade. Can you imagine that? I just hope Seungcheol’s fine and no major damage ‘cause I probably won’t forgive myself if something bad happens to him.” Jihoon explained.

“Don’t worry, hyung. Dino’s inside there with him. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t let any complications happen. And I don’t think Seungcheol hyung’s going to have a huge problem. Don’t worry.” Minghao tried to calm him down.

“Alright, hyung. Now you’re done. You can go sit at the waiting area with Jeonghan hyung. I- I’ll go and take a look at Junhui hyung’s wounds.” And with that, Jihoon smiled back at him and patted his shoulder with a “Thanks.”

“Hey.” Jihoon sat beside Jeonghan.

“Oh hey. Are you alright?” Jeonghan asked him. Jihoon nodded and was about to ask the same question to the other since he looked more anxious but he realized they weren’t as close anymore so he settled to ask where his other friends are.

“Oh, Joshua and Seokmin are probably still at his father’s office, talking about the wedding and stuff. And Seungkwan went to the cafeteria for a while to get us some snacks.” Jeonghan tried to smile at him despite having his mind and heart over at the operating room.

“Wedding? They’re getting married too?” Jihoon confusedly asked him.  _ Too? So some of them are getting married too? Is it Seungcheol?  _ Jeonghan thought.

“Hmm, yeah. Shua proposed today so the wedding’s probably by next year.” Jeonghan  still  try on sounding as calm as possible.

_Cheollie, please be fine_.

Jihoon looked more confused than ever, “He proposed here? At the hospital?”

Jeonghan nodded and explained, “Jisoo’s dad works here so he volunteered his office. And besides, their parents wanted to be present on the proposal as well.”

Right timing for Seungkwan to arrive holding a bag of snacks and few drinks.

The three sat in comfortable silence until Seungkwan asked Jihoon about the incident. And he told the story, in return, Jeonghan and Seungkwan told him what happened with Joshua’s proposal.

“ _Love, are you okay? You look nervous.” Seokmin shook their intertwined hands while they were walking to Joshua’s father’s office. He noticed his boyfriend had been out of focus even when they were on their way at the hospital._

“ _Oh yeah. I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep well last night but I’m okay, love. Don’t worry about me.” Joshua tried to calm his heart. He feels like he’s going to explode any minute now. Even though he doesn’t know the reason why because he’s sure as hell Seokmin’s going to say yes. Right? He’ll say yes?_

_ They’ve talked about marriage before so Joshua really have nothing to worry about his answer. But why is he so nervous? _

_ The moment they stopped at his father’s door, Joshua took the deepest breath he could ever take and let Seokmin open the door. _

_Seokmin was welcomed with flowers and balloons all over the room and he looked back at his boyfriend, only to find him down on one knee._

_ “Lo-“ He was so shocked, he’s almost crying. _

_ “Hi, my love.” Joshua started while smiling. Here goes nothing. _

_“We’ve known each other for such a long, long time. Do you remember when I_ _confessed to you? And you said you thought I was only treating you nicely because I know how naive you are? And you didn’t notice how I drag Jeonghan’s hair, how I slap Seungkwan’s mouth, how I make fun of Dino, how I piss off Minghao, but with you, I only smile and let you do anything you want. You said you didn’t want that, you said you wanted me to treat you the same way I’d treat our friends and then you gave me a chance. That was one of the things I’m most thankful for. You are my light, Seokmin. You made me believe in the existence of beautiful things. You helped me become who I am today. You are my sunshine, love.” Joshua took a deep breath. He’s been taking deep breaths today, glad that it’s nice for his health._

_ “Will you let me be your other half for the rest of our lives?” He asked. _

_ Seokmin’s crying hard now, he couldn’t even utter the word, “Y-y-yes, o-of course!”  _

_ And Joshua was on the verge of crying when his chaotic friends came out of anywhere bringing their plates full of food. They’ve already started eating! He almost rolled his eyes at them but their friends started hugging them as well.   
_

_ They were on the hallway and their friends are being so loud and saying a lot of ‘Congratulations!’, but he didn’t mind them anymore because all he can see is his fiancé having so much fun showing off the ring he got. _

_ And that’s all that matters to Joshua. _

“And that’s how he proposed. What about you, hyung? What were your plans?” Seungkwan asked Jihoon.

“Honestly, I don’t have a concrete plan. I was just planning to take him out on a date and then pop the question.” Jihoon shrugged.

“Oh please, that’s not very romantic!” Seungkwan exclaimed, “Jeonghan hyung helped Shua hyung plan for his proposal.”

“Shua and I can help you too, if you’d like.” Jeonghan anxiously volunteered. Jihoon looked at him and nodded.  _ Soonyoung would probably want a very romantic proposal rather than a formal and plain one. Okay, then. _

“ Nurse Chae, I’ll take it from here. You can go back to your work.” Minghao smiled at her and started continuing on treating Junhui’s wounds.

“Hi.” Junhui tried to start a small talk but Minghao just dabbed a little harder on that small wound of his so he hissed a little. Junhui thought it might be a sign to stop talking so he just kept quiet and let Minghao tend to his wounds.

For a good three minutes of silence, Junhui was just subtly staring at Minghao who was doing his job, “Congratulations. For... uhm.. for reaching your dreams.” Junhui smiled at Minghao even though the latter wasn’t looking at him.

“Oh my God, Mr. Wen Junhui?” A teenage girl screamed and Minghao got shocked he almost spilled the water he’s using in cleaning Junhui’s face.

“Hey, hello.” Junhui smiled at her and Minghao raised his left eyebrow, he doesn’t know why but he did. _ Still a flirt, I see. _

The newly engaged couple was informed about the incident while they were having a family discussion about the wedding plans and stuff and agreed to meet Jeonghan and the group at the waiting area.

The couple sent their parents home and was asked by Seungkwan to get them coffees on their way back, and while walking to the entrance of the hospital, they met Seungcheol’s friends. It has been years since they had seen some of them so to say it was awkward was an understatement.

And now, they are all in the waiting area.

“Baby, are you sure you’re fine?” Soonyoung asked Jihoon for the nth time while hugging his arm.

“I’m sorry we got here late, Wonwoo got caught up with work and he’s the only man we trust to drive us when we’re uhm.... scared or not focused.” Mingyu explained to Jeonghan and his friends.

“Oh it’s fine. We don’t really have much plans tonight.” Joshua talked seeing Jeonghan isn’t very much himself at the moment.

When Soonyoung was ten times sure his boyfriend is fine, he spoke, “Cheol hyung’s parents are flying from Thailand so they would be here later.” Then he started talking to Seokmin and Seungkwan who were very happy to share the proposal story.

Jihoon had to think of a lie to cover up the real reason as to why the three of them were together and Soonyoung wasn’t informed.

He’s glad Jeonghan and Seungkwan backed him up.

And so, they wait again until Seungcheol’s out of surgery.

It has been so long since all of them got together like this in one place and Jeonghan was regretful. What if he wasn’t scared?

What if he took the risk?

What if he’s late now?

A few minutes more and Minghao arrived in the waiting area together with the injured Junhui. Jeonghan assumed Minghao lent his extra shirt for Junhui to wear since he looks cleaner now.

Seeing his bestfriend looking so pale, Joshua thought maybe they can head home now since Jeonghan probably needs to sleep or at least eat a proper meal.

“It’s getting late maybe we should leave now.” He said to his very worried bestfriend. Jeonghan looked at Joshua almost teary eyed.

Joshua knows that look.

It’s a look full of regrets.

Full of sadness.

Full of longing.

Full of ‘what ifs’.

Full of feelings.  Still.

But Jeonghan feels there’s still something that makes him avoid Seungcheol.

He doesn’t know if he’s embarrassed. He’s probably scared of him. Of what he had done to Seungcheol.

Over the years, Jeonghan blames himself.

So, he nodded at Joshua and faced Seungcheol’s friends,“Oh, uhm.. We’re leaving now but Seungkwan will be waiting for Dino.” He stood up and continued, “Ah, maybe you should tell Seungcheol’s girlfriend too. I think she needs to know.”

All of a sudden, five heads turned to him looking so confused than ever. They look comical at some point but anyway, this synchronization had been their group’s thing ever since, and Jeonghan felt sad, somehow, that their friendships went different ways.

“Hyung has a girlfriend?” Junhui asked first.

Followed by Soonyoung, “A girlfriend? What?”

Mingyu almost kneeled in front of him, “Hyung, please tell me you’re lying.”

“What do you mean?” Vernon asked him who stopped fidgeting on his phone the moment he heard about the ‘girlfriend’.

So, Jeonghan explained, “Oh, we saw them at the mall last week.”

And they went silent.

Jihoon, then, let out a tiny “Oh.” Maybe, he’s the only one who knows about Seungcheol’s girlfriend.

Wonwoo spoke while Jeonghan, Joshua, Seokmin and Minghao were preparing to leave the hospital, “You can wait ‘til his surgery’s over, if you’d like. You’re obviously so worried, we don’t mind having you all here.” Jeonghan almost cried, that’s how Wonwoo has always been. So soft-spoken but somehow, sweet.

After what felt like years of waiting, a doctor came out and all of them stood up, “Are you his friends?” He asked them. Jeonghan almost nodded when he realized he probably doesn’t belong to the ‘friends’ group anymore so he just sat back and waited for the doctor to talk.

“His parents will be here later tonight, but you can talk to us. Is he alright? Is he awake?” Junhui spoke in behalf of them and the doctor faced him. “Yeah, his parents called us too. He’s stable now, he’s got a lot of open wounds that required stitches, he’s also gotten a broken bone on his arm but it’s all fine now, fortunately, no organs were affected. So, we’ll just wait for him to wake up ‘cause he’s still in the recovery room. Nurse Dino will be out in a while and he’ll tell you the details, he’ll bring you to Mr. Choi’s room as well, so all of you can just wait there.” The doctor explained and Jeonghan could hear everyone exhaled in relief. He didn’t even know he was crying until Wonwoo offered him tissues.

In the middle of the doctor’s explanation, Dino came and Dr. Kim instructed him, “Nurse Lee, take them to Mr. Choi’s room, and find Nurse Park to take over you tonight so you can go home. And tell her to call me once the patient is conscious, okay?” Dino nodded and the whole group went the assigned room.

Once settled in the room, Jeonghan and his friends decided to call it a night and thought that maybe the other group needed privacy before Seungcheol comes to his room.

As they were preparing to leave, Junhui held Jeonghan’s arm, “I’ll let you know when he wakes up.” And he smiled.

Jeonghan nodded and smiled back with a whisper, “Thank you.”

* * *

“Jeonghan, I swear to God if you don’t stop tapping the table, I will stab you with that ballpen. Don’t try me, I will do that.” Jisoo warned a very unfocused Yoon Jeonghan sitting in front of his table. They are both at the main office of the coffee shop Joshua and Seokmin own.

It’s Jeonghan’s day off and as usual, he’s here to bother his engaged bestfriends. 

“If you are that concerned, then, tell me again why didn’t you reply to his message?” Joshua stopped whatever he was doing and faced his bestfriend to try and talk him into sanity.

“What should I respond with ‘Hello, I heard you stayed until the surgery’s done. I’m sorry for worrying you, I’m okay now. Just need more rest. Take care’? Should I say ‘Oh it’s fine, it broke my heart seeing you lying on that stretcher thing’? That sounds creepy or awkward, so nope. I won’t reply.”

Oh, would you look at that, Jeonghan even memorized the message, he probably have read it a million times. Joshua rolled his eyes and just went back to his paper works.  _Still so hard-headed_.

* * *

  
“What should I give him? Help meeeee!” Jeonghan pleaded his friends while they were having lunch.

Their whole group received an invitation on their mails from Seungcheol.

His birthday is coming up and Jeonghan doesn’t know what to give him. If he comes empty-handed, he might as well not come at all.

But his friends wanted to attend, and they had to force Jeonghan to come with them, saying it would be so disrespectful of him if he won’t be there. Guilt-tripping him was their way of making him say yes.

_“If you weren’t so oblivious before, you’re probably his husband now or something_.”

_“If you just replied to him, you won’t feel more burdened as you are._ ”

“Your body, then.” Jisoo joked while cutting the pizza for his fiancé. Seokmin loves pizza but he loves it more whenever Joshua cuts them into little pieces.

“My what?” Jeonghan choked while the rest of their friends laughed so hard.

“You said he doesn’t need any material gifts anymore, so give him your body, then. Come on, Jeonghan. Don’t stress too much. For all we know, your presence alone is a gift for him.” Joshua said as he takes a bite of his food.

Jeonghan blushed. “Maybe not anymore.”

* * *

“Are you just gonna stay here for the rest of the night?” Jeonghan almost jumped from his seat when he heard someone from his right side.

“Jesus Christ! You scared me.” He exclaimed as he held his right hand to his chest and faced the other man.

He heard Seungcheol chuckled and handed him a glass of wine, “I apologize. Anyway, Joshua said you have something to say?” 

Jeonghan blinked a couple of times as he tried to comprehend this beautiful man in front of him, he looks so.....  heavenly. So  overly  handsome in his white suit and tie.

“I have something to say? I- I don’t.... Oh, uhm. Happy Birthday, Seungcheol!” He breathed.  _ Why the fuck is he nervous? _

“Thank you, Jeonghan. And thanks for coming. Also, thank you for staying with my friends at the hospital. I know, for sure, they felt better with all of you there.” Seungcheol smiled at him.

Jeonghan smiled back and sighed in ‘I shouldn’t be nervous or whatever’ kind of relief.

“How are you?” He asked after few minutes of silence.

“My body doesn’t hurt anymore, but there are few scars left.” Seungcheol drank from his glass.

“That’s good to hear.” Jeonghan replied as they both drank in silence. Again.

Jeonghan fidgeted and remembered his gift, he thought, this is it! _It’s now or never._

“Uhm. Here.” He handed Seungcheol a small black box.

Seungcheol smiled at him as if he was waiting for this moment, “Can i open it now?”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan nodded and tried to act calm as Seungcheol opens the gift.

Jeonghan doesn’t see Seungcheol’s reaction since it’s a littledark so he tried explaining that it wasn’t much of a big gift. It’s just a thin silver bracelet with a cherry shaped pendant.

“I... I don’t know what to give you but I was walking around the store and it reminded me of you so I-“, he was cut off when the birthday boy looked up at him and smiled “Thank you, Gem.”

  
They stared and smiled at each other.

“Friends?” Seungcheol offered his hand.

  
“Friends.” Jeonghan accepted it with his.

Smiles never left their faces.

“I should probably go over there, your girlfriend might misunderstand.” Jeonghan said when he saw his bestfriend waving at him.

“Girlfriend?” Seungcheol asked in confusion.

_ Stop pretending, it’s not like I’m affected. _   


Jeonghan acted coold and answered him, “Ah yeah, I wasn’t stalking you by the way, Joshua and I just happened to be at the mall where you two were having a date.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend, Jeonghan. Not even a boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

Seungcheol’s eyes were looking intently at Jeonghan’s eyes like he was staring into his soul telling him  something , “Yeah. Haven’t met anyone else after..... you.”

“Oh.” Jeonghan didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to react, didn’t know what to think, didn’t know what to feel.

“Yeah.” His heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted to tell Seungcheol that he also hasn’t met someone as good as him, he wanted to tell him he missed him, he wanted to tell him he already knows how to differentiate love and friendship, he wanted to ask him to give it a try.

“Jeonghan hyung, come here!” His thoughts were cut off when Seungkwan called him.

* * *

“Hyung, why don’t you ask him out?” Seokmin asked Jeonghan and his shoulders dropped at the question. “I don’t know, I would love to but I don’t think he would.” He replied.

“Then go and get to know him again. You know, start from zero.” Joshua suggested while drinking coffee .

It has been four days since the birthday party and Seungcheol’s words haven’t left Jeonghan’s mind.

“What if he asks me about the things that happened before?” Jeonghan asked taking a bite on his pancake.

Joshua stood up, “So what? Explain to him you got afraid, that you were scared to lose your friendship. Just talk to him, you know? Problems can be solved if you just talk it out, instead of making words stay in your mind. Keeping them all in will only make it worse. Look at what happened before, Seungcheol just lets you do what you want, not voicing out what he wants, he put you first above anything, little did we know he was keeping his wants to put your wants first. And when his thoughts ate him, he exploded, and left.” Joshua calmly explained as he finished cooking Seokmin’s breakfast.

Jeonghan knows Seungcheol and him might had ended up the worst way possible and he wants to give it another try. But he doesn’t know how to start. It used to be so easy when it comes to Seungcheol, but now..... He sighed.

Perhaps, the reason is he wants to take things the best way he can, and not make mistakes again.

“Why is this so complicated _again_?” Jeonghan sadly commented.

“Hyung, don’t think too much about it. If you want him, then tell him. If he asks you, then answer him. If he wants you to wait, then wait. If he rejects, then move on.” Seokmin replied before giving a piece of bacon to Joshua.

“You know what, you two should stop being lovey-dovey in front of me, I’m feeling even more single than what I actually am.” Jeonghan said and the couple just put their tongues out teasing him.

* * *

  
“Jihoon, help me put Jeonghan on the spot.” Joshua whispered while Jeonghan orders food for the three of them.

“Hyung, what do you mean?” Jihoon asked while taking a glance at the person they’re talking about.

“Do you think Seungcheol still likes him?” Joshua asked him in the most serious tone and Jihoon nodded. “Obviously, yes.”

“Okay, so I planned something out, so just try to go with the flow until we can push him to go and tell Seungcheol what he feels. I promise, you will have the most romantic proposal, just help me out.” Jihoon nodded and Jeonghan came back to their table.

“You’re shitting on me. Stop it.” Jeonghan’s heart pounded when he heard the news.

“No, hyung, he’s really leaving today. He’s probably heading to the airport now.” Jihoon started acting along with Joshua’s plan. According to Joshua, Seungcheol is leaving the country, again. Jihoon saw how Jeonghan was shocked and started panicking, and that’s when he knew their plan is going well.

“If he is, then why didn’t he tell us?” Jeonghan asked the two in front of him. Joshua replied fast with a matter-of-fact tone, “Uhh, excuse me. Why would he tell you when you don’t even text him back or something?” 

Jeonghan, then, looked at Jihoon, “Aren’t you going to send him to the airport?”

Jihoon is almost lost at words, thank God he’s good at improvising stuff or something, “No. He doesn’t let us send him off.”

“Seungcheol! Seungcheol!” Jeonghan rushed in getting out of the car and ran to where Seungcheol was standing. He was unloading luggages off his car.

“Jeonghan? Why are you here? Wha-“ He was cut off when Jeonghan almost threw himself at him panting so hard, Seungcheol had to hold him to keep him standing.

“No. You don’t get to talk, ‘cause _I_ will do the talking. Okay? Now shut up.” Jeonghan took a deep breath and started a speech he tried making on the way to the airport.

“I... I know we haven’t talked about this and I’m getting pissed off because why won’t you ask me out?” Seungcheol blinked and eyes wide as Jeonghan continued, “But anyway, I just want you to know that I don’t ever.... _ever_ wanna lose you all over again. Life without you sucks, okay? And I hate it. I hate it so much when we just stopped communicating. I hate not knowing when you’re coming back. And I know that I... I was stupid and selfish and the most confusing person ever but I’ve learned, I am willing to learn. And I want to be someone you deserve because past Jeonghan wasn’t. Okay? And I just.. I just want to know if you’re coming back? I want to know if y-you’ll give me a chance? Because I will wait for you. And please. Please. Oh God, for fuck’s sake, please don’t be inlove with someone else.” Jeonghan breathed.

“Jeonghan.” Seungcheol smiled at him.

“What?” Jeonghan almost sounded irritated.

“I’m not leaving.” Seungcheol grinned at him and Jeonghan was dumbfounded for a minute.

“Y-you’re not leaving?”

Seungcheol nodded.

“HONG FUCKIN JISOO!” He was about to run back to his friends’ car and smother his bestfriend and Jihoon with non-existent pillow but something pulled his hand back,  _someone pulled him back_.

“Hey, we’re not done talking.” He came face to face to a smiley Seungcheol he’s been dying to kiss.

“If you’re not leaving then why are you here? Why do you carry lugga-?“ He was cut off, yet again, when Seungcheol leaned closer to him. 

“I’m not leaving, Gem. My parents are. But not me. Not now. Might not leave anymore.” Jeonghan felt like he couldn’t breathe, he understands Seungcheol’s words but his close proximity is taking his breath away.

Jeonghan was still trying to process all that’s going on when he heard someone called his name and Seungcheol whispered, “We’ll talk later” as he stepped back from him, “Jeonghan dear? I didn’t know you’re coming to send us off too!” Seungcheol’s mother hugged him and he hugged back. And when his mother pulled away, she stared at him and smiled, “Please take care of him for me.” She whispered at him and Jeonghan felt his heart danced at that.

  
  


_Oh, I will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? ㅠㅠ  
> I’m planning on adding a short epilogue, i kinda want to show you the lives of the other pairs, and of course, the main pair. I’ve written half of it, actually. Hehe  
> Please don’t be shy on reacting ^^  
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I’m so happy, this is my first fic, my first story ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I hope you liked it as much as I did while writing this ㅠㅠ

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? huhu I really hope I got to deliver what I want to let y'all feel huhu, anyway, thank you!  
> This was supposed to be a one-shot but I think it would be better if I make it chaptered hehe  
> Also, the other members are to come for the next chapters hehe.  
> Have a nice day!


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